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Despite the title, Adam Grant’s new book, “Vibe: The Secrets of Strong Connections in a Lonely World,” doesn’t focus solely on eradicating loneliness. There are plenty of books on the topic. What Grant has done is take a deep dive into the nature of friendships: how they’re defined, how they figure into our lives, and what they mean to us.
Yes, there is an epidemic of loneliness, but what he’s offering are theories on creating deeper and longer-lasting bonds. He suggests how to navigate relationships with friends we feel close to but who may not always reciprocate the same level of affection. For instance, we have friends to hang out with and friends at work to share lunchtime with. We also have friends whom we can call in an emergency.
Yet, if you were to look at the people in your circle, Grant says, you’d acknowledge that they serve different purposes, so you shouldn’t lump them all together under the “friend” category.
Are They Really Friends?
The author includes a story in the prologue about his own childhood experience, one that readers may have endured themselves or observed happening to a friend or one of their kids. It sets the stage perfectly for his desire to understand the psychology of friendships and provides guidance on how we can make more authentic relationships. His experience may have even encouraged his career choice as a social scientist.
The story goes that when he was a teenager, Grant and a group of friends were playing ball. After the game, Grant suffered what he describes as a devastating incident with a member of the group, someone he called a friend.
Year after year, from 8th grade up to high school and into college, he had difficulty bonding with other students. Already interested in what makes people tick, Grant began experimenting with how to create friend groups. He wanted to learn how to put the right people together. Failure after failure brought him to the realization that he was doing it all wrong.
Called an “organizational psychologist,” Grant has enjoyed a prolific writing career. His most recent books are “Hidden Potential” (2023) and “Think Again” (2021). “Hidden Potential” champions the struggle that comes before success; “Think Again” highlights how intelligence is just one of many skills needed to make great things happen.
Both offer suggestions to help the reader change his or her thinking, question beliefs, and unlearn habits that harm more than help.
Friendships
Though the insights Grant affirms here may not seem all that impactful or pivotal, his wisdom deserves a second look. In many of these cases, via the everyday true-life stories he includes, readers see how small changes in thinking reap a new awareness.
By looking at something from a different angle, we can answer age-old questions about why some people become close friends but not others. We can ask, for instance, does chemistry between people always spark quickly, or does a close bond take years to build?
For starters, let’s investigate the title, “Vibe.” “A vibe,” he wrote, “is the quality of connection between people.” It comes from the Latin word “vibratio,” or vibration. When we’re in rhythm with people, we are said to “vibe” with them. Good vibes can keep the peace between countries or prevent disasters from happening in the cockpit. We trust more in that person, and the time spent together flies by.
Shared Goal
The author infuses his explanations with fascinating research and practical conclusions; he uses complementary photos, charts, and amusing cartoons.
Within the book’s three sections, Grant reflects first on the beginning of friendships, then on building strong relationships, and finally on working in a variety of group dynamics.
As individuals come together for a common goal, Grant writes, they feel something called “collective effervesce,” or the energy and harmony found in groups. They could be like sports teams and religious groups, all working toward a shared goal. Grant explains his hypothesis exceptionally well. He shines when accompanying his explanations with personal stories.
In the section on group dynamics, he recounts the time when he was taking part in an endurance event for a charity. Originally secure in his physical ability to handle biking, hiking, and swimming, he began to doubt—and then panic—over the biking portion, which he later found out was all uphill.
To his surprise, he managed to do much better than he anticipated. He credited the successful outcome to the foursome who welcomed him into their group. Biking together, they cheered Grant on.
The group had a shared goal: to get one of their own through it. “The euphoria of crossing the finish line together solidified our bond.”
Four Ways We Vibe
In presenting his research and gathered evidence, he uncovered what becomes the foundation for his theories—the four different ways we vibe with people. In ascending order, he’s categorized them as associates, allies, pals, and companions.
Each one is defined by how a person fits into our lives. For example, an “associate” is someone we have a relationship with because of a shared purpose. This could be a neighbor who takes a child to soccer practice or the doctor you see regularly for a condition.
Moving up the ladder, he views the “companion” as the one you confide in and rely on for emotional support.
Readers may ponder the question, “ok, what do we do with this information?” Grant’s response is found at the end of the book in “Actions for Impact.” Although he sees “Vibe” as an “idea book,” he’s added an in-depth guide on how to use this information in our own lives.
He invites readers to rate their ability to “vibe” and to consider how well they can recognize an ally from a pal. He shows readers how to gauge their compatibility level with someone new or choose the best way to encourage a strong bond.
‘Vibe: The Secrets of Strong Connections in a Lonely World’
By Adam Grant
Viking: Oct. 13, 2026
Hardcover, 336 pages
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