Homeschool Parents: When Days Get Hard, Remember This

My mother was crying. Another bad day at the Larson homeschool. My sister and I refused to focus on our studies, turned everything into a game, and giggled convulsively as we poked each other instead of paying attention to what my mother was saying. We bent her patience to the snapping point.

I remember her breaking down into tears that evening as she explained to my father the difficulties she was having with us. She questioned whether she was up to the task of teaching us at home. Evidently, the sight of my mother weeping because of my misbehavior scorched itself into my memory because I remember it clearly all these years later. The tears of mothers help correct wayward children just as much as the reprimands of fathers.

In any case, our behavior improved, and incidents like this occurred only rarely during the many years of our homeschooling. It was, overall, a success.

I mention this episode to illustrate the point that even a very orderly homeschool, which ours was, faces moments of trial and crisis. Even the most competent parents sometimes encounter uneven ground and feel the weight of the educational responsibility they’re carrying.

So here, at the beginning of another academic year, I want to offer a few words of encouragement to all the parents who have chosen this rocky yet rewarding path. They should be commended for embracing the solemn responsibility to form their children’s minds and hearts, and choosing to do so in a very personal, hands-on way.

Here are a couple of principles to keep in mind when the days get hard—as they sometimes will.

Discovery Is More Important Than Expertise

You don’t have to be an expert in every subject to successfully homeschool. While it’s true that one advantage of standard schooling models is the subject-matter expertise offered by each teacher, homeschoolers should remember that expert-level knowledge of the subjects isn’t the most essential thing, particularly in the younger grades. Sometimes it’s enough to stay just a few steps ahead of the students. Believe me, as someone who has worked as a teacher, even professional teachers sometimes resort to this method!

The word “education” is related to the Latin word “educere,” which means “to bring out, lead forth.” The role of the teacher is to lead the student into a strange new land, and a leader can serve that role by staying just a few steps ahead of his followers. Sometimes it’s even better that way because teacher and student can begin to experience the joy of discovery together, the flame of amazement in the heart of the teacher lighting the student on fire as well.

What’s so essential, the Holy Grail to be prized and sought after, is to elicit from a student that thrill of wondrous discovery at encountering a new and marvelous facet of reality. The thing to aim for is not merely the accumulation of information, but also, and more importantly, that the student discovers in the subject matter some hum of the musical harmony of reality and then feels a sympathetic echo of that same hum in his own soul. That is the “bringing out” of “educere”—helping the student discover the inner longings and high aspirations hidden within herself and their concordant echoes in the world.

If the whole of education were merely the dry accumulation of facts, then a subject-matter expert would always be preferable to the amateur teacher. But since there’s something else at play, it’s more important for a teacher to be a person inflamed by wonder than to be a subject matter expert. In fact, the amateur may sometimes have an advantage over the expert, because for the amateur it is all new and fresh, and he or she can share that freshness with the student.

After all, the word “amateur” means “one who loves,” and, as we can all attest from our own educational background, the best teachers were the ones who loved most: both their subjects and us, their students.

Of course, students need to accumulate facts and information as part of the learning process, too. But if this accumulation of facts occurs without the spark of awe, then it might be worse than learning no facts at all. It’s like piling too much wood on top of a small flame—it will smother it out rather than fuel it.

There’s More Than 1 Right Way to Teach

The second principle for homeschoolers to keep in mind is that there’s more than one method that can work. It isn’t necessary to have the perfect curriculum, a foolproof method, an expensive outlay, or copious resources. Sure, those things have value, and I’m not suggesting that all methods work equally well. But at the same time, parents feel a lot of pressure today from all of the “experts” online and in person constantly telling them what they’re doing wrong. We need to push past the ensuing perfectionism in order to achieve tangible results.

Different students learn in different ways. There’s more than one way to teach math or reading or science, just as there’s more than one way to socialize a child well. And as Gen. George S. Patton famously said, “A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week.” That applies to homeschooling, too. Well, except the violent part, maybe.

Finally, homeschooling parents must cling to this lifeline: The sacrifices of today—in time, tears, and toil—sow a rich harvest for tomorrow. Homeschooling, when done well, can be a beautiful journey for both parents and children, bringing both personal and educational blessings. Homeschooled children often develop deep bonds with both parents and siblings, an irreplaceable treasure they may well carry with them the rest of their lives. They also generally perform better academically. Home-educated children typically score 15 to 30 percentage points higher on standardized tests than their public-school-educated counterparts.

Homeschooling isn’t for everyone. Its success depends greatly on family circumstances and the temperaments, qualities, and skills of both the parents and children involved. In some cases, it provides an excellent means of education, far better than anything available at local schools. In other cases, it can definitely fall short. No educational system lacks flaws and imperfections, and homeschooling is no exception.

But parents who feel called to pursue the homeschooling route, who see it as the best option available to them, should march onward with confidence in their own abilities while keeping their head above water by fixing it on the ultimate goals: igniting wonder, forming strong family bonds, and laying an excellent foundation of academic achievement. All this is very much within your grasp.