Commentary
Seventy years ago, Hollywood was turning out one sitcom after another based on a similar theme: a disengaged father who spent his day at work, who came home to quietly read his evening newspaper while his wife cooked dinner and managed the family, and who only interacted with his children when the latest family crisis of the week occurred.
That was the world of “Father Knows Best,” “Leave It to Beaver,” and “The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet.” But the world changed, and in many ways for the better, as fathers became more involved with their children and more equal partners to their spouses in raising them.
However, as Lisa Britton pointed out in a recent column for the Institute for Family Studies, this does not mean that the differences between mothers and fathers, and the unique role each plays in a child’s development, should be blurred, which has increasingly occurred as our society has encouraged fathers to be more like mothers.
The answer is finding the proper balance between the 1950s family dynamic of the disengaged father and docile wife and the current dynamic, which has tried to turn fathers into mothers and mothers into fathers.
Several years ago, Harmon Killebrew, in his induction speech at the Baseball Hall of Fame, recounted the following story: “My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, ‘You’re tearing up the grass.’ ‘We’re not raising grass,’ Dad would reply. ‘We’re raising boys.’”
The point Killebrew was trying to make was that dads help shape sons simply by being dads: “tearing up the grass” while playing in the yard, going to a ball game together, or sitting by the side of a river, making conversation with a fishing pole dangling in the water. Those are often the fondest memories a son will have of his father as he moves into adulthood.
On the other hand, every young man needs a woman who believes in him, nurtures him, and encourages him. That is the unique role a mother can play in a young man’s life, molding him into a confident and successful man.
Is it any wonder that we have a current crisis of directionless young men in society when they are either missing one of their parents or the roles of mother and father have become blurred?
Conversely, every daughter needs a dad who is interested in her life; who gives fatherly hugs, listening ears, and reassuring words when she is hurting; and who is an emotional rock as she navigates the turbulent teenage years. She is not looking for him to “tear up the grass” with her, but instead to bring a calming presence into her life. Such a father often results in her making wise choices when it comes to a future husband, as she looks for the same qualities she saw in her dad.
But that same young woman also needs a mother who spends time with her, who guides her—in a different manner—through the turbulent teenage years, and who infuses her with inner confidence and beauty.
Working together, a father and a mother—serving in their distinct roles—become a powerful team that raises confident and successful children.
As Britton wrote: “Fathers are not mothers. Men and women were never meant to be rivals, and we were never meant to be copies of each other. We are on the same team. The team works best when each player is allowed to bring what only he or she can naturally bring, and that’s how we build strong families.”
That is why we should encourage both fathers and mothers to play an active role in their children’s lives. But at the same time, we should celebrate, rather than disregard or discourage, the unique role each plays in a child’s development. By doing so, our boys will have the direction and confidence that come from both, and our daughters will not only be confident, but also make good personal decisions—decisions that will benefit not only them, but also our society as a whole.
Dads, let’s tear up some grass with our sons and give our daughters encouraging hugs. Moms, let’s encourage our sons and listen to our daughters. Let’s be the fathers and mothers we were designed to be.
Views expressed in this article are the opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Epoch Times.
